Mully Open

1A.  Steve Johns, Bill Hoekstra, Tom Haraj, Peter Mott

Peter Mott said it was so goddam hot last year it reminded him of the time when

(a) He walked down to the corner store

(b) He woke up in the middle of the sand pit on the 12th hole

(c) He took his t-shirt off and just walked around in his fur coat (hairy bastard)

1B.  Joe D'Anunzzio, Shawn McGraff, Chris Attersley, Sam Graveina

Why would shawn hit that ball with bees on it ?

• He wasn’t getting enough buzz off his pot
• He missed the sign that said “beware of bees landing on your balls”

2A.  Mike Goodes, Christian Rutherford, Scott Pollard, Mark Ogden

It became apparent that Christian’s group has been giving him the royal treatment

• They rented this golf card limousine so Christian could bring his own booster club
• He asks Scott for his sand wedge and Scott pulls out a roast beef sandwich for him
• Rumour has it that mike wipes down the toilet seat before Christian takes a shit

2B.  Randy Keleman, Tim Ashbridge, Randy Simpson, Scott Woodcock

Meet bud

“I will take a cold bud and a hotdog” said Tim to the lovely cart girl, as she turned around to answer him she just shook her head when she saw

(a) Randy K was fishing in the pond while waiting to hit his 7 iron

(b) Tim was checking out his golf scope, which had a gun attached to it

(c) Scott was putting war paint all over his face

(d) Randy s is standing in the middle of the creek in hip waders, retrieving golf balls

Where is maddogs team this year, does anyone know what hole he is starting on???

3A.  Graydon Jemott, Steve Mullan, Fred Wallace, Brent Goff

What is happening here??

(a) Mully is there anything or anyone that you haven’t taken a poke at this week

(b) See I told you Mully owns a golf glove with no holes in it

(c) As you can see, this shot will have more bark than bite

3B.  Larry McPhee, Ed Szemiot, Rich Szemiot, Alain Dore

Maybe the problem with this team is their eyes, what they actually see on the course isn’t what is really happening

(a) They think the ball washer is for, you know!! Washing their balls

(b) The kart girl is not giving you orgasms; those are b-52’s

(c) No Larry, you’re not looking for a tit-list, it’s called a Titleist

4A.  Mike Reader, Jeff Shaw, Doug MacIntosh, Mike Patterson

A team that pisses together, wins together….this is their conversation while they’re pissing

• Mike said “do you guys realize we all have our dicks in the same bush”
• Jeff replied “yes, but your standing 8 inches closer to it, than me”
• Doug said “ I think I heard the starter call our names”
• Mike chirped “I’ve already swung my club”

4B.  Ted Emmorey, Harry Berberian, Scott Stone, Paul McDonald

Ted made a big mistake when he shouted to his team mates” lets kick some ass today”

• Harrys moto is WIN, no if’s ands or BUTTS about it
• Ted says the worst thing you can do is ASSume you’re going to win

5A. Jeff Herd, Brian Todd, Doug Alexander, Wayne Head

(a) Hey Brian, we got you a caddy for the day, thought maybe she could give you a couple of pointers

(b) Doug chipped his ball on the green but couldn’t tell how close he was, he yelled how close is it …before anyone could speak she shouted” exactly 10 inches”

(c) Every time they made their putt she would reach down and grab their ball out….so before Wayne made his putt he filled the hole with crazy glue (talk about 7 minutes in heaven)

5B.  Mark Pitre, Todd Bastarche, Scott Hallet, Jimmy Mood

(a) Warning guys don’t be doing mushrooms on the course

(b) New meaning to the term PLAY IT FROM THE POINT OF ENTRY

(c) I toad yah she was a cock teaser

6A.  Ron Winterink, Ed Winterink, Chris Scott, Bryan Myles

(a) Did you hear what Myler was yelling out of the woods, ”Hey if you guess what I have in my hands I will give you a free lick”

(b) Myler has heard enough bruin talk….he’s got a nice juicy spider for yah Ed

(c) No toilet paper, had to use my glove

(d) Myler says” Ronnie you have no touch with your putter, when you are hitting a long putt you better yell fore”

6B.  Troy Bensley, Scott Heenan, Rick Weiler, Keith Beers

A weekend away at Troy’s cottage and look who rented the cottage next to them

(a) The girl on the left told Keith to “keep his head down until the ball goes in the hole”

(b) The girl in the middle asked ace “how come he kept tying his shoes”

(c) The girl on the right said to jimmy “if you would go home, there would be the right amount of girls for each guy”

7A.  Reg Sprague, Gary Bujack, Jim Patten, Ian Nichollson

Why did this bird attach Ian on the golf course?

(a) Because he was using fowl language

(b) He picked a bad time to hit a nice flop wedge

(c) Never open a can of sardines on the golf course

(d) The bird overheard him say “I’m going to sink a fucking eagle”

7B. Gary Margeson, Tanya Schilling, Dan Cote, Drew Schilling

Dan cote left Oshawa and moved to Cobourg, he is a new man now, however

• Now he can really crack a ball
• He says it feels like his bag is half way up his back
• Marge says he fits right in with the Cobourg ass-holes

7C.  Dan Pichie, Kelly Bertrand, Rob Maddock, Chris Pichie

What is this squirrel doing?

(a) Hey Kelly and Chris when you get to the course this parking attendant is there to help the woman drivers park their cars

(b)” Dan….you know you got a ten on that hole; go ahead…write it down!!”

(c)” whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s not your ball Robbie, now just put the club down and back away slowly”

8A.  Derek Brown, Alton James, Kirk Fearon, Anthony Brand

Why the odd look on kirks face??

(a) That’s the look when Alton hit his hole in one

(b) That’s the look when he got a close up of a couple of white guys pissing

(c) That’s the look when they put his group in the utility vehicle and told everyone else “no feeding them”

(d) That’s the look when the lady from the kitchen passed him a broom and said “lock up after you’re finished”

8B. Gord Thatcher, Jim Robinson, Mike Douglas, Shawn Priske

Hey Mike, just when they said you had nothing in common with a professional golfer, who knew? We did a little research and found you have a few other things in common with big john

(a) You never play golf on Sundays either

(b) Your also too fat to walk the course

(c) Your paycheck gets filtered through your ex as well

(d) You also have never completed that course (rehab)

9A.  Dave Armstrong, Dale Felgemacher, Dave King, Roly Felgemacher 

Just want to let Dave King know that these signs we’re requested by Dale because of some very unusual activity by Dave, last year…it included

• Over doing the Cuddling with your wool sweater
• Stroking the flag pole slowly while staring at dale
• After every time you made a putt you asked Roly to jump up and down until his balls fell out of his underwear

9B.  Mike Lack, Bill Irving, Ryan Williamson, Harvey Hall

Mike bought some land down east and wants to build a golf course on it, however

(a) The weeds do look a little too HIGH

(b) All members will get a better rate if they have a POT belly

(c) The beer cart girl he hires must be SMOK”IN hot

(d) No beer for sale, just COKE

10A.  Dave Hutcheson, Grant Hinchey, Barry Grills, Dianne Moffat

This is why Hutchie shouldn’t be driving the power cart, he’s a walker

Why would hutchie do this??

(a) Mackey told him he had a par, but Dave knew it was a bogie

(b) Hutch started a new golf dance called brake dancing or as Paul calls it BREAK dancing

(c) It’s like…he’s driven a forklift most of his life and some people still think this was just an accident, ha !! Not fooling me Hutchie

10B.  Jim McGuire, Mike Webb, Wayne Brine, Dean House

This team last won the Mully open quite a few years back, to remember it they all got their own tattoos that dictated their play that year

(a) Yes Wayne that is you and you did make the cut

(b) Jimmy put a sink on his forearm for his ability to DRAIN the long putts

(c) Mike put a piano on his back, he carried the team and his back hasn’t been the same since

(d) Dino put a bag of chips on his arm; he is the best chipper on tour

Maddog are you in there, you’re missing the tournament

11A.  Dan Peters, Ronny Martin, Mark Renkewicz, John Barons

WHAT’S UP WITH THAT GUY

(a) That’s the look on Johnny barons face when the cart girl pulls up “yum-yum”

(b) That’s the look on Johnny’s face after he stole Roly’s putter from his bag

(c) That’s the look on Johnny’s face after ripping a big fart with the other 3 guys stuck in the limo

(d) That’s the look on Johnny’s face as they speed past mike Goodes team while they we’re fixing a flat tire

11B.  Steve Hunter, Jason Wiswell, George McMillian, Ken Shand

Steve hunter was not happy when he stepped in dog shit on the first hole but he continued and

(a) Hit one shit shot after another

(b) Still hit from the number two spot

(c) Dealt with the crappy lies

(d) And still got to da green width de’re turd shot

12A.  Chris Lynch, Mike Dufoe, Bob Hannah, Bill Bickle

What possibly could Chris Lynch be thinking about?

(a) ”How the fuck did I get stuck with these three guys”

(b) Here we go again, nobody in the fucking fairway

(c) Ok, head down, eyes on the ball, slow back swing and get that fart out in the practice swing

12B.  Bob Sutherland, Bill Sutherland, Matt Garusso, Mike Connolly

Did you often wonder what happened to that ball that was stroked in the middle of the fairway?

(a) Bill said, ”wouldn’t it be nice if that crow would drop it on the green…par 5 on in one

(b) Bob said “nope, never hit one down the middle of the fairway”

(c) Matt said, ”You can buy those balls back for $12 a dozen at crow’s

13A.  Chuck Bickle, Brian Rhodes, Larry Coady, Scott Ward

What do you see in this picture??

• Question: “Why does Chuck have his driver on a 110 yard par 3”

Answer: “Because he sees Roly in the background just about to tee off”

• Nice form Chuck, but isn’t it time for some new fucking clubs
• That’s the driving inspector in the background; let’s see if he awards Chuck his green card
• Well Coady, there’s the lake and there’s the guy who cut you, the balls in your court now

13B.  Kent Bickle, Ryan Collister, John Burns, James Hoogsteen

No it’s not really Easter guys’ but it is rabbit season…..so….

(a) Watch the rabbit doesn’t lead you down the wrong hole

(b)Don’t forget Rabbits love munching on carrots

(c) Since when does a rabbit have a camel toe?

14A.  Brian Woods, Leo Jacques, Mark Legree, John DeBoo

What the fuck

• Jesus Christ deboo, you might want to stay out of the sun
• That win last year went right to Johnny’s head
• Mark knows how to handle guys like this and he thought he had the day off

14B.  Chad Morrison, John McLeod, Geordie Oliver, John Perrault

What a nice picture of john McLeod

(a) And what a nice text book swing, it certainly paid off being a big nerd in high school

(b) Hey everyone, check out those nice muscles…..in his ears

(c) Remember what your foreman taught you, keep your head down

15A.  Morgan Lane, Jeremy Lane, Justin Lane, Daryl Nickerson

Jeremy last words to the tree before he passed out we’re

(a) They just kept saying “c’mon one more, just one more ….you can do it Jeremy one more”

(b) ”You’re nothing, I’ve smoked better stuff than you before”

(c) ”I’d like to thank you mam for helping me back to my room”

15B.  Jim Wheeler, John Wheeler, Tom Pohjohlainen, Scott Wood

What could Scott woods possibly be telling the Marshall as he helps him out of this mess

(a) My partner Tom did it, but then he got scared and just ran

(b) We thought we would take a short cut because you already told us we we’re holding up play

(C) Be careful how you shake that thing, I’ve got a lot of beer bottles in my bag

(d) We saw Dave king walk across this bridge, so we thought we had a chance

16A.  Rick Plume, Peter Hepp, Randy Sproule, Dan Thomas

Rick never looks forward to the day after the Mully open, his thoughts

(a) ”Wow, what a long night, when I went to bed I was clean shaven”

(b) ”I wonder if peter is still passed out in my trunk, ha ha”

(c) ”What a fuckin hoot, best day pass I ever used

16B.  Jim Langille, Jim Spurs, Shane Hooper, Kevin McDonald

(a) Looks like Kevin McDonald had too much to drink again

(b) Wow!! That guy has 19 holes, let’s count them up…..7 in his head, one in his flag pole……
(c) Well Jimmy, you always said you look forward to playing that 19th hole, well there yah go buddy

17A.  Al Collins, Rick Anderson, Jerry McGee, Rob Ryndzanic

I just want to remind everyone that we do not allow any cheating on the course; I bring this point up now because one of the players on this team was caught red handed last year

• Al you’re ok, you keep your cheating to the bedroom
• Rob you cheated a little bit at shortstop, but that bailed me out of many jambs, so you’re ok
• Rick, everyone knows (even the casinos)that your pretty good at cheating with cards but you are an honest golfer, your cleared
• That brings us to you jerry, you mother fuckin, cock suckin, cunt licking cheater……..start making those one inch putts

17B.  Brian Prakken, Brian Stephenson, Ted O'Connor, Jeff Ellis

Here are the responses from his teammates when they came to pick teddy up, for the golf tournament.

(a) Brian S: ”Oh dude, is that piss on your pants, couldn’t you make it to the CAN

(b) Jeff: Is this what you meant by getting a good night’s sleep before the tournament

(c) Brian P: Fuck you drank enough to make your own wheelchair

Ohhh maddog, there you are …….congratulations, where’s your leash?

18A.  Ed Battams, Chris Littlemore, Taylor Battams, Phil Wice

Just want to throw a reminder out there that Eddie does retaining walls, steps, etc.

(a) As we can see, he does a great job

(b) Don’t forget about eddies FALL special

(c) Maybe he can build Donald trump’s wall

18B.  Jamie Bird, Randy Leblanc, Keith Brodie, Rick Walker

Fuck James, could you at least shut the door when you’re making the big putt, Jamie’s thoughts

(a) Shit!! another uphill putt

(b) Christ my putting stinks

(c) Putting for birdie, if he misses ….he’s a piece of shit

(d) ”I’ve sunk more shit than putts”